The Scary Room
by Merickson
Summary: Is spooky short about The Room! Is written in script format because that's the format everyone loves, yah?


THE SCARY ROOM

INT. JOHNNY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Lisa sits stiffly on the sofa, staring blankly ahead. The  
door opens, and Johnny strides in with a large painting under  
his arm.

JOHNNY  
Happy Christmas, sweethearts!

Lisa immediately shoots to a stand, grabbing a wine glass off  
the coffee table in one fluid motion as her face lights up  
with a wide smile.

LISA  
Hi, babe! What you got there?

JOHNNY  
Is a present for yooo-uuu! I went  
to art auction for dead artist and  
got this painting.

He holds up the painting. It is a portrait of a pale young  
man with a glassy-eyed glare.

JOHNNY  
Is all-American self-portrait of  
artist. He suicided hisself. I  
paid for it with money.

LISA  
Gosh, that's creepy.

JOHNNY  
Okay I put it on mantel.

He heads toward the fireplace, passing by Mark, who has  
apparently been standing just out of view.

JOHNNY  
Oh hi, Mark!

MARK  
Hi, Johnny!

JOHNNY  
Happy Christmas, Mark!

MARK  
You too, Johnny!

Mark walks up to Lisa as Johnny completes his journey to the  
fireplace.

MARK  
I didn't know it was Christmas.

LISA  
It's not. I just told him that to  
make life interesting.

Johnny stands on a chair and knocks pictures of spoons off  
the mantel.

JOHNNY  
I make room!

LISA  
Mark, he can't hear us all the way  
over there. Let's have sex.

MARK  
What do you mean by that?

Johnny haphazardly sets the painting on the mantel and then  
steps off the chair.

JOHNNY  
There, let's see you try to be  
creepies up there, Mr. Painting.

He turns to Lisa and Mark.

JOHNNY  
Happy Christmerry holiday,  
everyone!

The chair flies up by itself and slams into Johnny, knocking  
him to the floor.

JOHNNY  
Argh! What are these doings?!

LISA  
Johnny!

Lisa and Mark run to Johnny and help him up.

MARK  
You okay, Johnny?

JOHNNY  
Yeah I okay but chair is possessed!

MARK  
That was weird.

LISA  
What would make a chair do that?

JOHNNY  
Is demon chair!

A chandelier crashes down onto the coffee table.

MARK  
Damn!

JOHNNY  
Is demon ceiling ornament!

LISA  
What the hell is going on?

A football shoots through the air and breaks a window.

JOHNNY  
Even football is demons!

LISA  
What should we do?

MARK  
I don't know.

Mark grabs Lisa and starts making out with her.

JOHNNY  
Lisa!

Mark pushes himself off Lisa.

MARK  
Why'd you make me do that?!

LISA  
You idiot! Johnny wasn't turned  
around at all!

JOHNNY  
What did you do to him?!

LISA  
Okay, fine! I admit it! I don't  
love you, Johnny!

JOHNNY  
Why are you say such things? You  
are evils!

LISA  
Pathetic men! I've only ever used  
you all for my own ends!  
Mwahahaha!

MARK  
She manipulated me with her  
treacherous manipulation!

Johnny puts his arm around Mark.

JOHNNY  
I'm sorry, Mark. I not know Lisa  
was evils.

LISA  
Now I shall seduce all your friends  
and take all their money!

Lisa makes a run for the door.

JOHNNY  
Oh noes!

MARK  
Let's stop her!

JOHNNY  
Yah okay!

Johnny and Mark charge at Lisa. They grab her and drag her  
to the sofa.

MARK  
Hold her down!

LISA  
Get off me! I need to go find a  
man who can get a promotion!

MARK  
No way, you succubus!

LISA  
Fools!

JOHNNY  
Bite me on neck, vampire!

LISA  
I - What?

MARK  
I think she's the one behind all  
this supernatural activity! We  
need to get some holy water and  
send her back to Satan!

JOHNNY  
Okay I call plumber.

Cackling laughter draws everyone's attention to the painting.  
The man in it has come to life.

MAN  
It was me, The Haunted Painting!  
I'm here to steal your souls!

Johnny gasps and turns back to Lisa.

JOHNNY  
You have infected my auction  
painting with the evils!

MAN  
Wrong! I am Roland Yargenberg. I  
put my spirit into my own portrait  
so I could haunt whoever bought it,  
because that's what I'm into!

MARK  
So...Lisa doesn't have telekinesis?

ROLAND  
No, damn it!

LISA  
Yeah, I don't have special powers.  
I'm just a bitch.

ROLAND  
Anyway, you bought me, Johnny, so  
I'm here to torment you forever!

Lights flicker and wind blows through the room.

ROLAND  
You'll never get rid of me! Throw  
me away and I'll reappear right  
back here! Set me on fire and I'll  
return good as new! You can even  
tear me apart, Johnny! I'll come  
back no matter what!

JOHNNY  
Oh, well I guess thas pretty  
scaries.

ROLAND  
You guess? Come on, it's  
horrifying! I put a lot of work  
into this!

JOHNNY  
Yah okay.

Johnny looks over at Lisa and Mark. They are making out  
again.

JOHNNY  
Hey!

MARK  
Sorry, Johnny. I'm lost to the  
dark side.

JOHNNY  
Everyone betray me!

Johnny screams furiously, then abruptly stops and calmly  
walks to the fireplace while Lisa and Mark get down.

JOHNNY  
You are my only friend, painting.

ROLAND  
What? Um, no. I'm here to haunt  
you, Johnny. Make your walls bleed  
and stuff. That kind of thing.

JOHNNY  
Are you vampire?

Roland sighs.

ROLAND  
No, Johnny.

JOHNNY  
Vampires are my favorite kind of  
elephant.

ROLAND  
Look, are you gonna start being  
terrified or what? Because this  
doesn't seem to be working out.

A bell dings outside.

JOHNNY  
Ice cream man!

Lisa and Mark jump up.

MARK  
Ice cream!

LISA  
Time out for ice cream!

JOHNNY  
Yah let's go get somes fudge pops!

Johnny, Lisa, and Mark run out the door.

ROLAND  
Hey, wait! Get back here! I'll  
steal your souls, I swear!

Johnny's laughter fades off into the distance.

ROLAND  
This sucks.

THE END


End file.
